Suicide: The Side No One Talks About

There’s a whole other perspective to suicide that I don’t think people realise until you have lost someone you really love.  I’ve known many people to lose their lives to suicide, more than I’d like to admit.  Although I was really sad for them; sad that I’d never see them again, sad that they felt the need to do that – I must admit, I didn’t feel pain.  I didn’t really understand what it was like to lose someone you really love.  I merely comforted my friends and family who lost their lovers, best friends, children.  Completely unaware of how deep their pain went.  But one year ago, that all changed.

I lost my best friend. 

For the first time in my life, I lost someone who’s life was intimately intertwined with mine.  A death that cut me to the core. 

Now I know how my friends and family must have felt when they lost their loved one.  One year later I still feel the pain, I carry it with me wherever I go.

For this reason, I wanted to write about the side to suicide that no one talks about.

From The Perspective of Those Left Behind

Sarah was someone I was going to grow old with.  She was supposed to go on adventures with me, be bridesmaid at my wedding, teach my kids how to smoke weed.  She was supposed to be with me on New Years.  No New Year’s Eve will ever be the same.  Unless you lose someone who was locked into your life, it’s hard to sympathise on the same level. So this isn’t really about the person who dies.  It’s the people who miss them.  For anyone who has experienced it, are there any words?

I’m sure when you hear someone has committed suicide, you think about the family.  You’re aware the people left behind are going to be crushed, but I don’t think people truly understand the pain.  Knowing someone who has died and loving someone who has died are two completely separate emotions.  When you love them, you’re heart will never be healed.  You will carry a heavy chest for the rest of your life.  Nothing will ever be the same.

Suicide Is Not The Answer

After losing Sarah I became obsessed with questioning why people felt compelled to take their own life.  I know when you’re depressed you don’t see a way out, I know how much it hurts having to live day by day.  I’ve watched another person, someone very close to me suffer from depression my whole life.  There were certain episodes none of us thought he’d come back from, but he did.  Now, he is so grateful he didn’t let it overcome him.  There are so many more options.

If you are contemplating suicide, I know you’re feeling like you have no choice, but it’s not just about you.  It’s not just your life you’re ending.  I never want anyone else to feel this.  I want people who are currently contemplating suicide to realise how much pain you’ll cause the people that love you.

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The Glorification of Suicide

Today, there’s almost a of glorification after someone dies.  Suddenly everyone starts talking about them and posts their picture.  Everyone talks about how beautiful and amazing they are.  We do it because we miss them and we want the world to remember them in the most beautiful light.  Keeping their memory alive soothes the pain.  But I don’t know if this behaviour is healthy for the people who are contemplating suicide.  I question if it makes people think, ‘I hate my life, maybe if I leave everyone will suddenly remember how much they loved me’.

Therefore, I don’t want to glorify the deaths of those who left us.  Instead, I want to talk about the pain their friends and family are currently experiencing.  I want to bring your attention to the people left behind whose hearts are breaking.  Who will live the rest of their lives with a pain in their chest that won’t ever go away.  The people who are traumatised by what they might have done wrong, who will spend the rest of their lives wondering, what if?

As everyone becomes more and more obsessed with getting attention, don’t let suicide become another method for attention.  Instead put the focus on the mother and father who just lost their child.  The siblings whose hearts will never stop breaking.  The friends who will crumble every time they reach a life goal and realise how much better it would have been if their friend was by their side.  The happy memories that are now filled with pain.  The guilt, the never ending guilt.

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Article written by features editor Ciara Glover

Instagram: @ciciglo

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