Are You Married To A Narcissist? Being in a relationship with a narcissist will mean that your heart will be broken 10,000 times. Discovering and understanding that you are married to a narcissist is to realise that you are going to have a life that is solely wrapped around him. Even if you think you are a “strong” person and can handle it; your strength is not really strength, but rather, denial. Your life with him will be determined by these traits. Bottom line, that is it! So do you think you are married to a narcissist Living with abuse can be very real, read more here.
You might find that some of these traits are in varying degrees and are general. Remember, there is no “one size fits all” description of anyone, even a narcissist. The official diagnosis must tick five of these traits
- grandiose sense of self-importance
- preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- belief they’re special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
- need for excessive admiration
- sense of entitlement
- inter personally exploitative behaviour
- lack of empathy
- envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
- demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes
Are You Married To A Narcissist? Life with your loved on will look like this…..
- He will always define the terms of your relationship.
- You will live by a set of double standards.
- You will not be listened to.
- He will never resolve a conflict.
- He will rarely consider your feelings; and will only do so if it serves him some how.
- He will never apologise and somehow you will feel like it’s your fault.
- What will matter most to him is how he appears to others.
- He will ruin all of your birthdays and holidays (probably because somehow he needs to make everything about him.) If he doesn’t it is because he has publicly made himself look good
- There will be little to no mutuality, collaboration or cooperation. It will be his way.
- Your expectations will be managed down to mere crumbs; to the point where you will be happy just because he isn’t giving you the silent treatment or arguing with you.
You will never win.
- Your value will be diminished to the point of nothingness in his eyes. In fact, mere strangers will hold more weight in his eyes than you will.
- He will tend to make you his scapegoat on any failures.
- He will dump his shame and rage on to you.
- Your self- esteem will be on the floor.
- You will find yourself walking on eggshells.
- You will lose yourself because you will be trained to focus only on his feelings and reactions; never mind yours. Have you found that you have become lost
- Do you experience the silent treatment.
- There will be loneliness and self -doubt about trusting your own decisions.
- You will find yourself telling a grown adult how to have normal interactions with others.
- Your relationship will revolve on a cycle: waiting – hoping – hurting – being angry – forgiving – forgetting – again.
- He will blame you for all of the problems in the relationship.
- You will blame yourself.
He will use your weaknesses against you.
- You will experience many dramatic exits.
- He will act like Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.
- He will not do his fair share of household responsibilities.
- He will come and go as he pleases.
- When you try to hold him accountable he will fly into a rage.
- He will not answer questions directly.
- He will never ask you about your day and wish you to “have a good day.” He will never show concern for things that you care about (unless it’s something he cares about.)
- You will feel stuck and unable to leave him.
- You will miss him and wait for him all the time.
- He will project his bad behaviours onto you and you will project your good intentions onto him – neither is accurate.
- When you finally break because of his crazy making behaviours and the insanity of the relationship, he will call you are a emotional nutter, others will think you are an emotional nutter, and you, yourself, will believe that you are just as bad as him (realise, there is no moral equivalence between expressing frustration and intentional abuse.)
- No one else will see it (except maybe the kids.) This will cause you to question your reality.
- The entire experience will result in trauma for you because it is interpersonal violence.
- You will begin to feel crazy; then, over time, you will begin to feel numb.
- Your future is whatever he decides
- He will make you feel jealous and then tell you you are an emotional nutter.
Get the picture? Are you married to a narcissist? This is such a far cry from a loving supportive relationship that makes you feel like a million dollars every day
Be kind to yourself if you know you are in bed with a narcissist because he will never change without therapy and work. We wish you luck, you will need it.